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out loud.

The present swallows her.

A year after her marriage Anicka is born, a year later Marie.

Josef and Antonin dont lie long in their cradle: the tiny bodies are carried up the hillside path used by those who leave the house for the fieldor forever.

A plot bought in the cemetery, no money left for a gravestone.

The plotone of the few certainties in Justynas life.

Here we shall all lie sooner or later.

And this feeling is passed on to the rest.

My grandmother Kristyna is the last of Justynas children.

The midwife bends over her; the girl-child seems so small, her cries feeble.

Quickly, they call the priest and light a candle.

But when the baby opens her eyes and Justyna recognizes her own stubbornness, she puts Kristyna to her breast and says she must live.

Justynas picture is faded and static compared with the one I carry in my minds eye.

In first grade, we are learning to write the letter.

I keep stretching the tail-end of the down-stroke up too high, and our teachers red pencil comes mercilessly crossing it outwrong, wrong, wrong.

Thats when I get whooping cough and Mummy takes me to the country, to Grandma Kristynas.

The cottage huddles at the foot of the hill sloping down from the village, just above the creek which runs ribbon-like along the bottom.

The first thing I notice are smells.

Burning wood, freshly drawn milk, hay and stable, cellar and attic.

Cat and dog fur, uneven threshold, damp wall.

I sit in the wood-lined kitchen, my back up against the tiled stove.

A winking oil-lamp sways, the flame dwindles, then flares up again, reminding me of a clenching and unclenching fist.
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